Faceless Friday is where we get quiet (or not so quiet) and we find the gratitude for the things that rocked our faces off in the past week. A weekly tradition that started nearly 10 years ago is BACK with new characters, some new attitudes but the same old swear words, CraughingGirl and the beautiful feeling of gratitude. Grab a cup of coffee and join me as we journey through my past week and see what rocked my face off.
Faceless Friday. And what a week it has been dear Craughers. Little dude has a nasty cold and it’s causing him to lose his ever loving mind. Like the part that is loving… as in my sweet little boy has turned into some little feral mean spirited spawn of Hades and I seriously have been questioning whether this compassionate, understanding and loving mothering thing is gonna work. Which brings us to our first piece of gratitude.
Strangers that Ignore. Little Duder and I had to take the teenager to school Wednesday because she overslept and missed the bus. Duder asked if we could run to town and get a watermelon. Since he has been sick getting food and fluids into him has been challenging so I obliged and off to Walmart we went. Now, if you know anything about me you know I hate Walmart, but in my mind I’m thinking it’s going to be the fastest. Produce is at the main door and right next to self check out; perfect for an exhausted Momma and a sick little dude. And then I spotted cupcakes. Momma needed cupcakes. Little dude needed cupcakes. Little dude decided the foster niece needed cupcakes. I told him niece could share with me. Here is where it all went to hell. He decided we needed three packages of cupcakes and that sharing with me was not acceptable. I explained that Mommy didn’t need six huge cupcakes and that the teenager would be happy to share with me. Meltdown fucking city. I have been so lucky. So, so, so lucky that this kid has never acted like an asshole in public before… until I kept walking with only two things of cupcakes. I sped walked to self checkout. His attitude bubbling like a volcano and his voice growing louder. I bent down, and said “I will put all the cupcakes back if you don’t stop”. And I knew better. I knew better and I said it anyway! He called my bluff. Loudly. “Put them back then, Mommy. PUT THE CUPCAKES BACK MOMMY. I DON’T WANT CUPCAKES! I DON’T ANYONE TO HAVE CUPCAKES MOMMY!” By this time I had already rang them up. I already could taste them. “No, Mommy bought them and there are enough for all of us and now we can go home”. “I DO NOT WANT CUPCAKES EVVVVVVEEERRRR”. Meanwhile the self check out helper is patting me on the arm saying “they are only young once” and trying to talk to my hellion and he is glaring at her and screaming “NO. NO TALK TO ME!” and snot is pouring out of him and he is looking like he just wrestled a bear and the bear is somewhere contemplating his whole life. I give her a half ass apology, she gives me that sympathetic knowing look. We wheel on. Through the doors. Past people. He is wailing. Not even using words. Sounding like a damn fire truck going through the parking lot. People are purposely ignoring us. People are walking right past us and pretending we do not exist. He does not understand this. We stood outside the car for a fucking HALF HOUR before he finally calmed down enough to get in the car. He sat in that cart screaming at me, then wiping his nose on me (because you’re never enemy enough to not be a tissue), telling me how mad he was. And I stood there… Good God above I wanted to man handle him. I wanted to rip him out of that cart and put him in the car and tell him what an embarrassment he was and what a shameful act of bullshit that whole ordeal was. But I didn’t. I stood there. I listened. I said “Look buddy, I know you are sick. I know it’s hot and you don’t feel good and you are frustrated and mad at Momma because you felt like I wasn’t listening about cupcakes but I was and I promise foster niece will get at least three cupcakes” And we counted to three. And then we counted how many cupcakes he had he could share. And then he asked if he could hug me. And then he asked to get out of the cart and go home. And I said yea and I didn’t berate him for acting like a kid, or any of it, or try and make him feel worse. And as I did my victory lap to my side of the car and waited for strangers to applaud me for my patience I was more grateful they all chose to pretend it wasn’t happening at all. There are times when us parents need our people and community to step in and other times when we need people to just let us be. I was grateful to just be in that moment with my son, learning together how to pick our battles and let love win.
The Foster Niece. I am grateful that this girl talks to me and feels comfortable talking to me. She has no reason to trust adults and even though she has been with me for two years that isn’t nearly enough time to undo the hurt that was done to her. I’m glad she has faith in me and I’m so grateful to see her blossom and grow from that scared 13 year old she was. She has a ton of hard work to do on her self, and her self worth but talking and being able to talk with trusted and trustworthy people is a good starting point. I like to remind her that if she does the work now she may not be my age still doing it. 😉 She definitely rocks my face off.
Kindness of Friends. I have been disabled since 2015 and started receiving disability benefits in 2018. That money is a God send, but honestly some months it just isn’t enough to cover everything while raising myself and two kiddos. I am so lucky and grateful to have friends and family that always help me to provide for them and for myself. Honestly I have no idea where we would be without their help and I am so grateful.
My Neighbor. My neighbor man is so cool and my son loves him and basically has adopted him as a Grandpa (as he doesn’t have any). The neighbor drives truck cross country now so we don’t get to see him as often as we used to, but it’s always a big deal when we do. He parks in our drive because we have space for a big rig and it’s a huge deal to watch an 18 wheeler back up to an almost 4 year old. We spend a lot of time with him and his puppy and usually have dinner with him at least once while he is home. Unfortunately, because Little Dude was sick we weren’t able to do that this past weekend. We were all feeling pretty bummed about it and I was feeling guilty because that’s what I do. I like for the neighbor to know he is appreciated and that he means a lot to us too kinda thing. Anyway, Friday when we got home from the Doctor’s there was a care package on our door. Juice and a truck for Little dude and a bottle of wine for Momma. Said he just wants us to know he cares and hopes we feel better. How cool is that!? That rocks my face off!
And since this turned rather lengthy I’m gonna go a head and jump to the short list: coffee, the doggos, Grove Collaborative for harassing the shit out of me so I finally tried out some stuff and so far love it all, laughing, dancing… like for real dancing, with hips and swings and earth shaking movement, Craughers encouraging me to write, air conditioning that works upstairs, vacuums that work since the dogs won’t stop shedding ffs, and YOU for reading this Faceless Friday. Thank you for being here.
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