Ouch. Nerve ablation (where they cauterize the nerves) is no joke.  My back is bruised and hurting, but I am so grateful because I can walk.  I can wiggle my toes and takes steps and this pain I am feeling now is temporary and once those nerves heal up I should be feeling better, and if not at least I can tell people this story so they know what a badass I am. 😉

There are so many things to be grateful for, so let us begin this week’s Faceless Friday.

Support.  People get tired of hearing about my pain.  I get tired of talking about my pain, but when I have a procedure done, it is so important to have people ask me how I am, what I am feeling, and check in on me.  Being in chronic pain is pretty lonely, especially when the ones you count on the most aren’t that nice or sympathetic.  I am grateful for those people that still ask how I am feeling and if I need anything.  I am grateful for my friend A, who dropped off the most beautiful stationery and pens so I would have some brightness Wednesday after my nerves got fried.  I am grateful to the people that do not ignore what I have to say, or how I am feeling because they do not know what to say. I am grateful for kindness, and for love.

My Sister-in-Awesome.  My sister in law took me to my procedure on Wednesday, which isn’t that easy for her because getting time off her job is near impossible because of how important she is there.  I am so grateful that she took the time for me, and that we were able to have some girly time together.  She is an amazing woman and friend and I am grateful that I can count on her, vent to her, and share with her.  It was also nice to have someone witness how hard it is to get an IV into my “little tiny baby veins”… and as an added note that always means they have to go in my hands. Ouch.

Nico Harper and Josephine Pearl.  These beasts love me, and I love to be loved by them.  Nico is so sensitive and empathetic that he knows when I need cuddles the most and can always sense when I am about to lose my shit.  I am grateful that I get to wake up with two furry love bugs nuzzling me and reminding me that I am worthy of kindness and love.  Also, Josie brings her toys to me and lays them in my hands when she knows I can’t bend over.  How cool is that? Smart little Aussie Pack.

ABC Family shows.  Yep. I said it.  I have been watching The Fosters, Chasing Life, and now Switched at Birth.  I would be embarrassed by that, but these shows are pretty progressive if you think about it, and I need lots of hours of entertainment while I heal up. So yay Netflix and DVRs!

Courage and strength.  I could give up.  I could roll over and not try for anything else in my life because my back will always be a constant struggle for me.  I could give in to the pain and be mean and negative and sorry for myself.  But I don’t have it that bad, and it could be so much worse, and there is a good chance that it will be in the future, so I am grateful, to myself, for striving for better, and for my future.  I haven’t given up and I don’t plan on it, even when I have the temporary lapses of feeling sorry for myself.  This is not what I wanted for my life, but I will be damned if I don’t make it the best life for me anyway.

Guidance.  I am grateful for the people in my life that are so grounded in who they are that they are inspiring to me as I regain my footing and find myself all over again.  I am grateful to my Tribe of women that show grace and beauty in a world that does not always offer the same.  I am grateful that I am going back to my roots and relearning the things that I pushed aside for so many desperate and sick relationships.  I am grateful that I have someone to really talk to, that sees me, and helps me to see myself.

And that’s all I can really ever ask for.

Thank you for reading this week’s Faceless Friday, and for joining me on this journey. Thank you. Now let’s do a short list:

Hazelnut Creamer, authentic tacos, friendship, good books, girly tv shows, internet, a bed to sleep in, sally hensen gel nail polish, ice packs!!!!!, naps, Benadryl, a wizard doctor that can laser 6 points of nerves with only four holes, and YOU Craughers. Much love.

service, a bed to sleep in, sally hensen gel nail polish, ice packs!!!!!, naps, Benadryl, a wizard doctor that can laser 6 points of nerves with only four holes, and YOU Craughers. Much love.