Faceless Friday: Part 121

Rumor has it that it is once again Friday, so that means it is time for Faceless Friday.  Faceless Friday is where I list out all of the awesome things that rocked my face off in the past week. So many things have changed and are changing in Craughing Land that I am grateful for a moment to sit and, well, just be grateful.  Let us begin.

Ending the Cycle.  I left The Fixer’s house Monday February 9th.  My entire life I have been dealing with alcoholics and addicts and I am sorry to say that he was no different than any of them, even though I really wanted him to be.  I cannot blame our failed relationship on his drinking or cheating though, because quite honestly I am the one that chose to keep going back and dancing the dance with him.   To say I should have known better is an understatement, but I know better now.  I know that I attract and am attracted to the people that cannot love me, and that I continue my codependent cycle because I have never actually taken the time to explore why or how to stop it.   So… here is to healing, as hard as that is, and getting myself well enough to love myself enough to not do any of it again.

Friends and Family.  Once again my friends and family have rallied around me to help get me out of a bad situation.  To say I am grateful for their generosity and love is only because I cannot find a better word for grateful.  I am blessed, so blessed, to have help and support when I need it and that they keep offering even though I keep making poor choices.  They support me in my pain and love me in spite of my crumbling back and sadness.  THANK YOU! I vow that my life will only continue to get better and that all of your love and investments in me will be worth it.  I am trying and I appreciate that you see that.

The Beasts.  I love my fur babies more than I ever knew was possible.  Nico Harper Man Dog Extraordinaire continues to be a force when I am in pain or troubled.  My back hurts and he is there laying on top of me saying with his big brown eyes “it’s okay Momma, I got you” and he does.   His love and cuddles are often exactly what I need to keep believing in the good things coming.  Then of course there is Josie Girl who keeps me active and laughing with her budding personality and shenanigans.  I have never met a dog so excited by life and all the small joys it brings.  These two are my constant reminders that life is amazing and worth living, and living to the fullest.  I am grateful that I get to enjoy them and to really stop and appreciate the love they offer.

So, you see, even though my life continues to be chaotic and pain ridden (damn body!) I can still see and still appreciate how beautiful it is.  There are times when I am unable to walk, but I am still shuffling. Every day. Gratitude abounds in this life of mine, and that rocks my face off.  Now, let us get to the short list of the past few weeks and get on with our day:

Pain medication for when I cannot stand my crumbly back, COFFEE (I love you), hazelnut creamer, a warm place to lay my weary body, good books to read, knowing I am not alone, or the only one, celebrations of life in the everyday, good pens, internet connection, finding my first CODA meeting!!, seeing myself differently, owning my own shame and letting go of the shame that is not mine to hold, keeping my mouth shut when I should and speaking up when I should, awesome morning hair pictures, sunshine, soulshine, and this gypsy heart.  And YOU dear Craughers for knowing all along how fucked up I am and still joining me on the journey.  THANK YOU!

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