This has been a rough week.  My back has decided that the huge amounts of steroids injected into it don’t really matter.  I have contacted a few surgeons and they all have said that spinal fusion is really my only option. And to top all of that off my worst fears about the fixer were validated.  It all feels very overwhelming and heartbreaking.

I have to be honest, the last thing I want to do this morning is find gratitude and be nice.  I suppose that means it is the perfect time to do such things. So, I shall sit here, chug some much needed coffee and remind myself that gratitude looks better on a person than bitterness. It is time for Faceless Friday. Let us begin.

Help.  This past week was hard for me on a lot of different levels, and I quite honestly scared myself with the thoughts racing through my head.  I called for help.  I called a helpline.  I messaged all of my friends.  I sent out a distress call, and thankfully it was answered. It was answered. Being alone and scared of oneself is heart wrenching, and we have all been there a time or too, what we typically fail to do during those times is be honest and ask for what we need. I did. I am grateful for that. I am even more grateful for receiving what I needed, love and support and gentle (and maybe some not so gentle) reminders that I am here for a reason, that this too shall pass, and that I am loved.

First things first, and one day at a time mentality.  This has been a driving force for me this week.  Reminding me that no matter how miserable I feel, it will pass, and all I can really do is throw some time at the heartache.  Time and some Netflix. (What!?) I have been through way worse, WAY, and had my heart broken WAY worse… so basically I need to stop, regroup, and remind myself that I am WORTHY of love and loyalty. Even if my back is broken (which I have NO control over), even if I have some PTSD flashes from time to time (I WAS almost killed) and even if I ask for what I need because I am human and that is what humans do.  I deserve happiness and I am going to do WHATEVER it takes to achieve it.

So… that basically sums up the week. I am still here, still me, and still breathing. So, let’s jump to the short list!!

Coffee, creamer, Dunkin Donuts, cigarettes, pain meds, Benadryl for when the pain meds give me hives, one good night’s sleep, family (<3!!!), awesome friends, awesome friends that bring me coffee and love, awesome friends that send me THIN MINTS!! (OMG!), the Beasts and all of their insanity, awesome friends that bring me lunch and let me check out their GORGEOUS babies!!!!, friends that have WAY more to deal with in their life but still manage to make me feel better (Thank you!), and YOU dear Craughers, for always joining me on my roller coaster rides.