Hello world, it is me Craughing Girl… coming to you once again from the confines of my body and bed. This back of mine decided to go out December 10th and I have been laying down ever since. I cannot even begin to describe what that is like… so let’s dig deep and find some gratitude instead. It is time for Faceless Friday, which many of you may recall, is where I list out all of the awesome things that rocked my face off in the past week. Let us begin.
Courage to face pain, and to live with it. There is always something wrong with me. I live with two painful chronic illnesses (degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia). And as if physical pain was not enough I also enjoy some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a few bouts of anxiety every few months. I am not writing to complain about these things, life is what it is. I am writing because even though I have been in bed for over a month, and there have been times when I needed a good strong shoulder to cry on, I have not and will not let these things define me. I did not chose to have a shitty back, or pain everywhere, but I do chose, as often as I can to have a decent attitude about all of it. I do not know many people that can physically feel the way I do and still … try. I want more than anything to not feel all of this pain, to have a good job, to do what I love and to lead the best life I can… sometimes my body just gets in the way. So, having said that, I am grateful for this life anyway, I am grateful that even though my body hurts and I need help right now, I am still a good person, I still believe in something, and I can still chose happiness. Being a warrior rocks my face off.
Friendship. The real kind, not the wayward “I will love you when you are better” kind, but the real, get in the trenches with you kind. It cannot be easy being my friend, sometimes all I can think about is how much pain I am in, and sometimes I am downright depressed because I want to be able to do something… anything… that requires movement. I have these friends… I tell you what, I have no idea where I would be without them… they call me, they listen to me, and they love me in spite of my limitations. That is HUGE. They love me in spite of my limitations. They rally around me and make me feel loved and noticed. They tell me I am loved, and that I matter, they make me laugh and they understand when sometimes I don’t want to (but in honesty they still make me laugh, regardless). I am so forever grateful for those friendships.
Family. My family is in a different state, or rather I am, yet they still make sure I know where home is and that I am always loved and welcomed there. These are the people I have grown with, that have seen all of me and still somehow manage to make me feel special and awesome. They tell me how strong I am and that if I ever need a place to be weak and not put on the front of world’s strongest woman that I am always welcome with them. They give me hope and love, and that rocks my face off.
The Beasts. Yes, these dogs and all of their antics are still making the list… because my life would be pretty damn sad without them. Nico Harper Man Dawg Extraordinaire and his amazing sidekick Josie Girl make me laugh every day, cuddle with me and remind me every day about what is really important in my life, feeding them. I am not sure how I got so lucky to have this pair in my life, and I cannot express the gratitude I feel for them and how privileged I feel to be their momma.
Okay, so mushiness aside, let us get on with our days. Here is this past week’s short list: Coffee, coffee with company, colored pencils, being able to somehow handle steroid injections into my fucking tailbone (never, ever, again), ice packs, pain relief, Netflix (oh how you have managed to save me from myself a time or two in the last month), drawing, still being able to work towards my goals, having goals, surviving physical therapy, not having certain emotionally damaged vampires in my life, keeping my damn mouth shut, reading, learning, waking up. And you, dear Craughers, for still somehow being around when I need you. I appreciate each one of you and I am grateful. YOU rock my face off.