This has been a hell of a week. The Fixer and I broke up, and now I am moving back to my home state. My emotions are trying to dictate my actions, but for the most part my brain is regulating (kinda…). I am mad, and heartbroken, and confused, but none of those emotions are going to change that there is still gratitude to explore. So, here we go:
The Fixer. I know that seems odd because of what is going on, but without him I would not have ever decided to move away from my home, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have ate or had a place to live the last two years. He took the best care he could of me, and for that I am grateful. He did the best he could. I did the best I could, and that is something to be grateful for.
Help. I sucked up my pride and my worry and asked for the help I needed to get back home and the outcome was OVERWHELMING and fast… so fast. I met my goal in TWO DAYS and the love I feel from that leaves me speechless. Because of the generosity of friends and family I am able to go home this weekend. You all have no idea how much that actually means to me. (Especially because all I do when The Fixer is home is leak from my eye holes).
I do not know what this next chapter in my life will bring, and honestly I didn’t want to end this chapter, but I do know that I am a fighter, and that I will make the best out of whatever life throws at me. Knowing that going through this storm will be worth it someday rocks my face off.
Now, lets do the short list so I can finish packing up:
Music, coffee, The Beasts, friendships, family, new tattoos, good packing tape, my back holding out better than normal for all of this packing craziness, job prospects, support, being able to cry when I need to, being able to laugh when I need to as well, knowing that the only way through something is just that, through.
And you dear Craughers. Here we go again.