This past week has slammed me with reality, and left me feeling emotionally drained and scared.  Therefore, it is a good thing it is time for Faceless Friday because I could use a dose of gratitude and a better outlook.  Let us get started.

Xrays, Doctors that listen, and MRIs.  As many of you have read before I have degenerative disc disease in my spine.  I have been having horrible headaches for over a month and after an eye appointment that showed my perfect vision and healthy eyes, I figured I should see an orthopedic doctor to see if my neck is the cause for all of this misery… and it is.  My back is still crumbling, and now my neck is as well… and as an added bonus, my hip joints are not round and not moving freely.   I knew I had degenerative disc disease, and I know that there is nothing to “fix” it but only ways to maintain it, but, yet, all of this is hitting me like… like my back is… crumbling.  So, today as I start my physical therapy and wait for my MRI results to show what the next step is, I am grateful that I know I can handle all of this (because I have no choice).  I may always be in pain, and may have to have more surgeries and shots and whatnot, but that does not change the core of who I am.  I am still me and that will always rock my face off.

The Beasts.  Nico has got to be one of the most sensitive dogs I have ever encountered, and I am blessed that he belongs with me.  Even without my saying anything, he senses when I need cuddles and is always there to offer his comfort and he lets me snuggle him for as long as I need to, even though he has horrible static in his coat.  (Shocking dogs also rocks my face off by the way).  In addition, just as Nico understands my emotional needs Josie pup understands that I need to laugh as well and offers all sorts of comic release, of course the comic release usually comes at the expense of household items, and myself, but still it is good to laugh and be loved.

Sewing.  A couple of weeks ago I was surprised by a sewing machine from my momma. I have sewn all sorts of things now… coasters, a gift for my sis-in-law, a dress for my niece (that won’t fit her), some things for my brother,  and last night I put together my first tiny quilt.  Granted I didn’t put the last strips together right so the blocks look jacked up, but still I made it and I am going to finish it even if it doesn’t make sense to the eyeballs.   Having something to do that challenges me and doesn’t cause physical pain really rocks my face off. Also, I can’t wait to hear what people think of their new handmade gifts.

Understanding.  I am grateful for those that understand what is happening with my body and how that affects my mind.  I appreciate those that have looked into what is going on with me and can talk with me about all that I am feeling.  I am grateful for those people that know sometimes a nap is the only thing I can do, or that being in an upright position is sometimes breath stealing hurtful.  I am grateful for support when I feel completely drained and terrified by what is coming next.  I am grateful for my friends that reach out to me and ask me how I am.  I am grateful that there are people that have taken the time to understand where I am coming from and what my limitations are, but still tell me that I am doing amazing things, even if it is not pulling in a paycheck.   Thank you friends for loving me even though my body is falling apart, thank you for taking the time to tell me that my body is not the important part of who I am. YOU ROCK!

Since I have to go to physical therapy, I should probably get myself around and try to look like I give a shit, so let us jump to the short list:

Cell phone service, knowing how to thread my sewing machine, COFFEE!, new music, old music and all music,  The Walking Dead comes back on Sunday, Advil, my hair is to my shoulders now, a Shark vacuum that not only cleans up dog hair but also all of my little sewing strings, food, clean clothes, hot water, a bed to sleep in, FAMILY, puppy kisses and cuddles, and all of you Craughers, thank you for your love and support. YOU ROCK!

Also, I have been blogging for TWO YEARS today! 🙂