I’m struggling this morning with Faceless Friday. It isn’t that I don’t have a lot to be grateful for, because I do, but the week has been filled with so much pain and grumpiness (from me) that it is hard to articulate exactly what I want to say. That and it just now turned into a reasonable time to be awake… that may have a lot to do with it. Therefore, this morning I am going to sit, and get comfortable in my struggles, and be grateful for them… because in reality without them I would not be me.
So, here are a few things that have rocked my face off, despite how mood altering they are:
Fibromyalgia. This shit sucks. I can go days, and sometimes weeks, without fibro wrestling me down into bed. I am in constant pain, but some days are worse than others. This week has been worse than most. I spent the majority of this week in bed, taking pain meds, trying to sleep, and just feeling frustrated and overcome with how shitty my body is. It is frustrating to not be able to accomplish simple things like finishing laundry, or answering the phone… I cannot really express how angry it makes me at times. This past week I said something on Craughing about it and the response I received was overwhelming. I am not alone. There are other people out there that look fine and can’t get out of bed either. I hate that they are suffering, but I love that I do not have to feel alone in this. I would also like to thank Craugher Caroline M. for recommending the book “What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Fibromyalgia”. I have spent the last two days reading it and finally feel a bit of hope. Thank you.
Degenaritve Disc Disease. Because what good is a body if it only has ONE thing wrong with it!? My back sucks. It has sucked since I was 19. I remember the first time I saw an MRI of my spine I had to fight tears because it is hard thinking that you are okay and then seeing proof that you are not. This shoddy back of mine has cost me a lot, most recently a job. It is hard being young(er) and trying to tell people how bad your back is… especially since most people are not diagnosed with an 80 year old back until they are at least 50 or so… I have discs that are crumbling and there isn’t really much I can do about it. I had my first back surgery before I was 30. And my spine is crooked. As in scoliosis S crooked. I have lost inches in height, and mostly I just think I look like a freak… but it is still a part of who I am, and there are still people out there that get that. That Rocks.
Okay… so how about something a bit more positive….
New Friendships. I have followed a few pages from the beginning of time, okay the beginning of Craughing really, and finally have the opportunity to know them a bit better on the other side. I sort of feel like I was just accepted into their secret society of awesome, and that rocks my face off!
And since those things have been the majority of my week I am going to go ahead and jump to the short list:
Running water, cooler days, waking up with a breeze on my face, the woods and the ability to take Nico there to do his dog thing, coffee, The Fixer, Rock Band, the internet, Google, new books to read, music, understanding, breakfast, medication, insomnia (because the creative juices be flowing at 3 am yo), sunrises, a garden that is growing, a soul that is growing, cigarettes, fatty Cokes, clothes that fit so shittily that they remind me to keep working out, unemployment, and YOU dear Craughers, for being here, for being YOU.