Ahhhh…. Friday… Gratitude day (and everyday).

Welcome to Facless Friday where I list out all that has rocked my face off this past week… and what a week it was.   After a two day panic attack complete with weepy eyes and a hospital visit, and then some broken hearted moments, I thank God for my renewed view, my awakening, and pray that it continues.  Here is what rocked out of this week:

Surrender.  I knew I was out of control, I knew my brain was not matching up with my body and I sought help.  Straight up walked into the hospital and said “Hi, I am having a nervous breakdown and I need help”.  It may seem dramatic to some, but I am here to tell you that it took immense courage.  I surrendered to the need for help and then I went and sought some out.  My courage in that moment despite embarrassment, or judgments, rocks my face off.  You know what else rocked?  The hospital staff saying that they were proud of me for being brave enough to get help.  More people should be encouraged to seek help when needed and then praised when they do.  Maybe, just maybe, if more people were treated that way we would all be a bit happier, or at least a bit nicer.

Friendships.  I have no idea how I got such a large cheer section, but somehow, by Grace I suppose I have these people that rally around me and tell me I am okay, that I will be okay, and that will drop everything to just be with me in my moment, whether  that is a text or a phone call, e-mail or facebook message.  My gratitude abounds for people that prove their love for me despite whatever mess I find myself in.  Their pride and belief in me give me strength to have the same.  Thank you.

Understanding.  My own understanding at how overwhelming I can seem, but the knowledge that no matter what my struggles I am still loveable and I am still worth love, affection and moments of comfort.  Sometimes my issues are “too much” but I do know that does NOT mean that I am.  I am not “too much”, I am me, I have been through some shit, I am working through it, and that is commendable, and makes me even that more loveable.  Not many people can face their demons, and I do it daily.  Understanding that I am the sum of ALL of my parts rocks my face off, because we are all beautifully and wonderfully made.

My brother.  I wish I could copy and paste my entire conversation with him yesterday.  No words can describe how helpful he is to me, how he always offers me much needed perspective, and how his unconditional love shows me that I indeed do deserve that sort of love.  He makes my heart and soul smile.

Music.  Speaking of my brother… he sent me some songs yesterday to get my morning started.  Music is such a huge part of my being that it was the perfect uplifting I needed.  Need an example? Here ya go: 

My Counselor.  Bless this guys heart, frealz.  I am grateful for his help, his understanding, his validation and his helping me make a plan.  Goals are good, and sometimes just what one needs to stop living in the moment in a negative way.

I am blessed beyond measure in all my fucked up glory, blessed.

And here is a short list: perfume that makes me grin, warm sweatshirts, Nico dog, naps, Klonipin, iTunes (mainly because it is working right now), a boss that wants to add two occurrences together into one.., and YOU.