I am about to do something completely (okay almost completely) out of character for me. I am moving to a different state. Yes, that is right, after two years of being stuck in this rut of depression, anxiety, court dates and heartache, I am packing up and getting outta town. My entire life has been spent in this area and the furthest I have lived from Momma Jo is twenty minutes away. All by choice. I do not have a problem with where I live, I have never been one of those people that are all “blah, blah, blah, I hate this place”, I have always known it was a choice to stay or to go.
And now I am going.
I will admit it is an abrupt decision, but damnit I have played by the “rules” since day one. I have done everything safely, or at least tried to, and quite honestly, it has gotten me nowhere. Everything I worked so hard to secure when I was younger, the house, the marriage, the cars, etc. never gave me the security I have always craved, and then when I lost all of those things I took a long hard look at myself and discovered I was only playing a part. Living by default. And my living by default broke me for awhile. A long while… and I do not want to be that broken girl any longer. I want to have a home again, to unpack all of the things I have been dragging around with me the last two years. I want to set new roots somewhere as the ones I had planted here have slowly withered and died.
So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to move forward, for the first time in a really long time.