Time to list out the things that have rocked my face off this past week. Let us begin:
My brother and his beautiful wife. They are off having a good time and have allowed me to pretend their apartment is mine, and even made sure that my needs are going to be met. I cannot express enough how truly grateful I am for them, as I type tears are forming…I have the best brother, the best.
My generous friend KT for allowing me to crash at her place the last few weeks. I am grateful for her support and her knowing when I have had enough. It feels good to have a place to hide when needed, and to know I will always be fed. (frealz)
Heartache like I have never felt before. The kind that is lingering, clinging to everything I do, and every thought I have… yet the difference is I am not doing a damn thing about it. I will sit with this hurt. I will let it swallow me whole if it so wishes, but no longer will I chase people that do not want me, or do not care about my feelings, or and this is huge, don’t deserve me.
Getting notified that my stalker was released, and then finding out that he was actually on a bus to prison. That’s a lot of anxiety followed by a lot of facing rocking!
Craughers. Whoa. I had some trouble on my page this week and damn if I was not blasted back with so much love I did not know what to do with myself. Thank you. Thank you for your support, your laughter, your tears, for everything… I am amazed and floored by all of you.
Scrunchie wearing bad-ass women. I have no words, only love. Lots and lots of love. Thank you.
Tears. I went for months without crying, and now I cannot seem to stop. At least I am feeling again, at least I am getting there. If I have to cry for the next two weeks, so fucking be it, I need to feel, I cannot keep pretending I am not busting my ass to heal and move the fuck on with my life. If tears show that, tears are what the world is going to get.
Grieving, and getting a handle on what I am grieving about…. Even if it feels like it is killing me. I’m going to keep doing this, going through all of this, because I know damn well that is the only way out.
Coffee, steaks, cigarettes, and diet soda. I know these are the best things to be grateful for, but they get me through the day, and that rocks my face off.
My life is continually going through changes, yet not changing at all. I am grateful that I have the strength every day to get up and try again. And I am grateful for those of you that recognize that and still love me anyway, I know it isn’t always easy.