I am not even sure where to begin, this past week has been a bit of a rollercoaster, and it has felt like everyone else was pulling the lever, and changing the tracks, but regardless of which carney is running this show, I am grateful nonetheless.
- One day at a time. During all of the changes my life has been facing it is easy to get bombarded with stress, with tomorrows, with ideas and not live in the now. I have never been that good at living in the present moment, but this week has allowed me to practice all of my recovery tactics from my codependency. Some of which I wish I didn’t have to know, and some which I embrace fully and completely. So really, I guess I am just super fucking grateful that I have recovery tactics!
- Letting Go. I used to be addicted to drama. I was a drama junkie. If something was happening in someone’s life, or mine I would talk it to death, make a scene, fight, scream, cry, whatever I needed to do to make sure the whole fucking world knew I was uncomfortable in some way. I am grateful that I can let go of others, that I can take responsibility for myself, and only myself and keep my shit on lockdown.
- Communication and being direct. During my screeching match with my mother, I was able to keep my shit together and say what I needed to say. Being direct rocks my face off and I appreciate when others can be direct as well. It is not easy to be vulnerable and say what you really mean, and for those of us that do it, I stand and applaud. Owning your true feelings and not letting other shit get in the way is hard, but well worth it.
- And on that note, figuring out feelings rocks my face off. It’s easy to let stupid shit get jumbled in your brain. It’s not easy figuring out why you feel a certain way and then doing something about it. It takes courage, real courage and a lot of fucking strength, but it will ALWAYS be worth it.
- My first real paycheck in over a year. That is happening today. That makes me giddy and in awe, and just plain feel good. So far I love the idea of my job and cannot wait to fully embrace it.
- And I am grateful to be alive. I’m not going to lie, during all of these changes and shifting of planetary alignments or whateverthefuck has been happening there have been times when I wanted to admit defeat. I am glad I have not. I am grateful I am still kicking, and grateful that even though many do not know who I am to my core, I do, and I like what I see.
- Laughter. Oh, how laughter really is the best medicine. Thanks to all of you that make me laugh, make me feel, and help me to keep smiling.
And all of you Craughers, sincerely, deeply and with great appreciation. THANK YOU.
Psychotic Girl. The Black Keys <—– This song is amazing, and I get to see these guys tonight, and even more importantly I am so fucking grateful I am not a psychotic girl anymore. There is nothing pretty about them.