Guess What!? I am fucking lovable.

And then all of a sudden it hit me…. I am the same person I was six months ago.  The same person I was three weeks ago.  I did not disappear, my core beliefs and thoughts did not vanish, I am still the loving, funny, and caring person I was when I was in my own home… so why the hell have I not been acting like it?  Has my shame from losing my home really caused me to think that differently of myself?  That all of a sudden I am not lovable, or a being made to be appreciated, must I really allow myself to act like a teenager just because I am treated as one?

I do not have to be owned by my circumstances, I do not have to define myself by my current state.  I’m a fairly intelligent, educated woman, who can pretty much kick ass if given the opportunity.  I have helped run companies, I have secured large accounts, I have helped raise teen girls, I have kicked some ass, and taken a few names along the way.  I can choose to learn and grow from this experience of re-living with my mother, or I can wilt and die away (as I have been practicing).  I can remind myself daily that I am powerfully and wonderfully made, flaws and all, and that I am fucking lovable. I am fucking lovable. Whether my mom shows me that, my friends, my loves, anyone… that is their issue, not mine. I am lovable.

My self-worth does not have to be contingent on what others think of me, if they approve or not, or if they even love me or not.  I do not have to hold my breath in anticipation of a few validating words or actions from another person. I can love myself, I can validate myself, and I can honor myself in all that I do.  And damn if I haven’t been fucking that all up, the whole honoring myself, thing.  However, it does not have to be that way, I can choose today to honor my feelings, my choices and myself.  I have not led a perfect life, but I have lived a very entertaining and remarkable one, and survived it all.

                    I am still here.

I am still breathing.

And I am still fucking lovable.

4 thoughts on “Guess What!? I am fucking lovable.”

  1. So glad you came to this realization! So true. And we often project what we perceive others to view us as, which in turn makes them perceive us that way…viscious cycle. Unless you are projecting happiness, confidence and lovable-ness 😉

    Like

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